LITTLE HEART

I have no idea how much little hands can hold so much. Even those that you have not held yet. But here I am, my heart being held by a little one that I have not even seen yet, or held. At least, not in my arms.

I am expecting. I discovered a month ago that there is a bun in the oven and it has been a rollercoaster ride ever since. As most of you (my friends who have access to this know), I have gone through a horrible miscarriage and lost Bjorn last 2019. I was devastated and vowed never to get pregnant again. God, of course, has other plans and blessed me with another one and I have been terrified everyday since.

Unsure if I can carry this baby full term, I have been doubting myself constantly. Fearing the littlest things - even farts. Farts! can you believe it? I want this baby so bad, I have given up a lot of things to make sure I can take care of myself and this little one. But of course, the things we want never come easy. Since discovering this pregnancy, I have had 2 hospitalizations and a major surgery, each one more terrifying than the last. I am ordered to absolutely stay in bed. So naturally, not. only I am staying in bed, I am trying my best to stay absolutely still for the next 4 months. Me. Who is always out and about and going around wanting to do extraordinary things.

But if there is one thing I am sure about, it’s that this baby is more than extraordinary. This baby came at the right time for me. It has helped me rediscover myself, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and even physically. It has taught me to embrace my limitations and work around them. It has made me accept that the things handed to us that might feel like a disadvantage are actually powers waiting to be harnessed. I have. It this little one’s little beating heart that has kept me going and has taught me what immense strength the human spirit hold, no matter how hopeless things get, when fighting for the ones they love.