CURSE

11:55AM

Passion is the curse of the young.
Wisdom, the old.

I thought about this long and hard as I wrote it down in my journal. Where has my passion flown off to? Is it lost? Or maybe it has become quite like the sea on a windless morning.

Then I thought it funny I likened it to the sea. Calm as it may be, it has a lot of things going on under it. Much when you age, you have gathered so much wisdom, you tend to just bottle up the lessons you learn from “growing up”. It tends to be a bit much when you let it out. I guess as I grow much older, I will learn how to master the wisdom I have accumulated.

I can’t wait to grow older.

And to be honest, I can’t wait to die. I am not scared of death anymore. I have once met death square on the face and I guess I am lucky to have survived it. Passion and wisdom do not necessarily equate to peace. For as long as we are alive, I don’t think we will ever achieve lasting peace of mind and heart. That’s just how it is. Passion and wisdom and our ability as humans to overthink and over-complicate everything just won’t let us have that lasting peace. Unless we die. We won’t be doing stuff we want to do, but I don’t think that matters much anyway when you are actually dead.

Yes. I am aware. Thinking about death like this is a red flag. I already know I am depressed and I am seeing a shrink so I handle my triggers. Writing about it helps me process things. I want to be there for my children, I don’t ever want to fuck them up. I want them to grow up happy. I am just saying, that is how I feel about death.

I still want to live, for whatever little motivation I have left in me, I hold on to it like my life depends on it because.. well… it does.

Passion. Run with it while you still have it.
Wisdom. Treasure it and give it away to those who really need it.