You say we are too young to be hesitating
So we run head on and full speed towards our dreams
Today is a different story though
Today feels halfway to the end
It feels like running to a place to rest
That sharp inhale when you run out of breath
That final step on the finish line
The victory, that victory that I know is mine
The relief knowing you are finally done trying
Coming home to place where nobody needs to hide
You say how we live and love may change
But here I am loving people the same
Giving my all and feeling loved so much less
Feeling so little even if I have done my best
Today it feels like a different story
People look up to me for answers
And all I want want to do is to be taken cared of too
That loneliness when I get home
Expecting to be loved in return
Being told I should be the one to love me
Surrounded by many, yet feeling alone
So why am I hesitating?
I am neither too young nor too old to be
Why all the hesitation?
When at this age I should be running full speed
I cannot afford the luxury of youth nor time
I hardly even have anything I can call mine
Even the life that I live feels like someone else’s too
Pretending to live my dreams but knowing too well I am living half truths
I shouldn’t be saying all this
I should be grateful for things I have
I shouldn’t be feeling all of this
I should probably start running again now
I shouldn’t be hesitating
I should really be proud
There are a lot of things that I shouldn’t and should do all the same
I should be living
But I shouldn’t be, just the same
Let me let you in my heart for a second
Let me let you in my mind too
Let me show you things you shouldn’t see
Let me show the real me to you
I am broken and tired
I know am & I know you know this too
And I will probably never be the same
The same person you have loved
The one you relied on again and again
Not that I don’t want to love you anymore
You know I always will, you know I do
But I am beyond exhausted as exhaustion gets
I feel beyond saving
I feel stuck yet in two places at the same time
I feel like I am playing over and over the same game
I feel beyond loving
I feel like I am running out of rhymes
You say it's okay to not have dreams
But dreams keep us going, don't it?
Funny how we perpetually need a reason to live
But when we do, we need reasons to pause from living, or dreaming
A reason to ride a different train
A reason to run away again
All I want is a place where I feel myself safe
Beyond the walls that my heart has built
Beyond my mind not spared from fears
Now I yearn to run away and be good at it, I'll be
Now in two opposite places I want to be.
I should be staying put
I should enjoy things this lifetime has given me
Yet much as I want to stay constant like a pebble, you say
I am not as smooth as pebbles the rivers have made me
I am shattered from all the tumbling and rolling
My sharp edges has cut me in two
One has went on living, as life should be vigorously lived
One has given up and succumbed to her truth
But I should keep living
There's so much hurt I'll cause from giving up
But living causes me hurt just enough
Enough to say I shouldn't be living
Yet enough to feel alive even if this life I live is tough.
