WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?

I wrote this piece in response to SUGA or Agust D's song "People". And then one thing came after another. Before I knew it, a lot of the things here were inspired by different songs BTS has written that moved me. If it isn't obvious yet, I am a hardcore ARMY. Any BTS fan will know which parts reference which song or moment about BTS. Have fun discovering easter eggs!

Also, this was written May 1, 2022 and this site was made May 3, 2022. I am currently having trouble reformatting dates as I got the layout from an existing theme. (I am sorry, I am not a professional website builder) So, I hope you forgive me for the confusing date logs. I will do better next time. Enjoy the content!

Your words find a way to open old wounds
The kind that I have tried so hard to hide from the world
Why do they say that the truth told will set us free?
When every time I face it, it just chokes me.

You said it was okay
We will get hurt over and over
That everything changes
Everything passes
Everything that passes by me
Find its way to hurt me
Find the good things, they say
Think positive, they say
Yet even on the sunniest days,
I find myself retreating and comforting myself in loneliness.

What are you doing to me?
I find comfort in the sadness that you reveal to me
Am I addicted to your brand of honesty?
Was I destined to live a sad life?
Why won’t my mind let me be?
When you said that I am the last reason
When you were standing on that cliff
I felt it.
I feel it.

What are you doing to me?
I want to jump from this cliff so bad
Stop holding on to me
I am addicted to your magic
It makes me forget the things I feel for awhile
It makes me want to stay here with you
It actually makes me feel that happiness is real

I thought I was finally at peace
But my head had other plans
It is true huh that we want to be in places where we are not
We are animals of regret
And every regret I have I don’t seem to want to forget
It is just not a repetition of dramatic situations
It’s my head finding the time to repeat the endless loop and repetition of
sad movies in my head

You said it was okay
That life’s this and that
We deal with what we have to deal with
We face the music wherever the melody leads us at
Everything passes
Everything that passes by me
Find its way to hurt me
Find your purpose, they say
Manifest, they say
Yet even in the most glorious of days,
I find myself glorifying the fact that I will have an end someday

What are doing to me?
Why are you making me hope?
It’s like a dangerous drug that keeps on luring me
You pull me in over and over
You tell me it’ll be okay soon or maybe never
And it is true we all have an end
And pain too will soon become our friend
And every moment of euphoria you made me smile
Makes me forget everything that hurts for a while

What are doing to me?
Why do you make me believe I am beautiful?
When you said that you and I are as natural as the wind blowing
Meant to be like the waters of the river flowing
Tumbling against each other like polished sea pebbles
Rolling against the waves or lying still together
I guess you are the reason why I managed to be happy
And that I was meant to try my best to be yours
With every tear I cry
With every moment I had to pretend and lie
With every reason I come up for my many whys
With every single breath
With every dive I make in unknown depths
With every push
With every pull
Every force I make
Even if I have to break
What you do to me, TO ALL OF ME
Is the very reason why I still breathe

So please…
There is no need to bow to me
Because I am here because of whatever it is you are doing to me.